For as long as we can remember we have been terrified of mirrors….
Well meaning people have linked our mirror phobia with our hatred of being photographed, and decided we must have a problem with how we look, despite our repeated insistence that we are actually quite comfortable with our physical appearance. Nobody ever believes us when we tell them the real reason for our fear. They think we are joking. Sometimes they laugh. But to us it is as real as the ground beneath our feet.
We are scared of mirrors because Satan lives on the other side of the glass.
We never sleep in a room with an uncovered mirror in case he finds us whilst we are sleeping and sends his demons to get us.
Until recently we didn’t know where that fear came from, we just accepted that mirrors, and in fact all reflective surfaces, must be avoided as if our very existence depended upon it.
Then this happened:
We were at therapy and we knew something was brewing inside.
Our adult protector part told our therapist something was up. She didn’t know what, but she recognised A’s (our front person) symptoms; pain, dizziness, no concentration, lethargy, and, most importantly; sudden and complete denial that she had DID or had experienced any significant trauma in her childhood.
Big. Red. Flags.
And then the demon came out and threatened to burn our therapist’s house down.
It’s so horrible hearing someone talking out of your mouth and saying scary and mean things, and you can’t make them shut up. I tried my hardest. I froze the body so he couldn’t go looking for knives. (He likes knives). And I stoped him before he could threaten murder. (He wouldn’t be able to do that, but he feeds on fear). But I couldn’t make him go away.
Our therapist must be very used to having reasonable, mild mannered clients turn into a possessed Linda Blair, because she didn’t appear in the least bit bothered.
The demon was convinced he was thousands of years old; a superior and very much non-human intelligence. He believed the men had created a portal to hell and invited him to step through into our realm, offering our body to him as a gift to feast upon. Our fear, our self loathing, and all of our suffering, would feed him and give him power and strength.
But as he ranted at our very much unperturbed therapist, we began to remember what really happened…
We are about 5 years old. We are in the underground room, and it’s dark and so cold. We are naked. We are always naked in this place. They’ve tied us down on a table with our legs apart, and a cattle prod has been forced into our vagina. Suspended above us is a mirror. We are told we are dying. A doctor comes and puts a needle into our right arm. Then we are shocked with electricity over and over until we lose consciousness….
I don’t really know what happened next yet, but I’m guessing the bad men created a new part and used drugs and the mirror to trick that new part into believing it was a demon that had come from hell and would have the job of generating feelings of self hatred.
5 year olds are so easily fooled.
There are people in the world who do some truly horrible, evil stuff to kids.